


Something to hold onto

by KataraAlchemist



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Book Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not sure if they'll end up show spoilers as well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 22:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8915317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KataraAlchemist/pseuds/KataraAlchemist
Summary: Magnus comforts Alec after the death of his little brother Max.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was a short little thing I posted over on tumblr, figured I should put it up here as well.

After the events of the day, the battles…the deaths…, Magnus was more than a little on edge as he approached Ragnor’s apartment in the lower district of Alicante, having decided to stay there rather than some stuffy Shadowhunter run hotel. He’d left Alexander on the steps of Accords Hall, tension still hanging thick between them—though not as much as before. They knew they needed to talk, really talk, but minutes after the most serious attack Alicante had ever suffered was not the time for it and they both knew that. Alec had gently squeezed Magnus’ hand and told him he’d try to find him tomorrow, that he needed to go find his family. Magnus had squeezed it back and left for Ragnor’s apartment, his senses alert for any stray demons.

Somehow, however, despite how carefully he was trying to observe his surroundings Magnus nearly missed the figure sitting on the front steps until he nearly stepped on him.

“Good lord, Alexander, do you have enough stealth runes on?” Magnus said with a little laugh, though the sound faded quickly when he realized how tense the Shadowhunter was. “Alec…?”

“Max is dead,” Alec said tonelessly. “Izzy was hurt, but she’s already been healed. She’s with our parents.”

Magnus felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He’d only met the youngest Lightwood once but he’d seemed like a sweet kid. Inquisitive, adoring of his older siblings, funny, just starting to find out who he was. Really, most of what Magnus knew about Max came from Alexander himself who constantly talked about his little brother, always with a smile on his face. Once Alec had told him how he’d taken Max to Coney Island, despite their parents not wanting them to go because “things like that were for mundanes.” Alec, having far too much of an advantage at the carnival games due to being a Shadowhunter, had won Max a giant stuffed panda that was still in Max’s room two years later.

“What can I do?” Magnus asked softly after a moment, kneeling down in front of Alec but not reaching out to touch him just yet. All Alec managed was a small shrug. “Will you come inside?” Magnus tried, voice still gentle.

After a moment of silence Alec stood up without a word and waited for Magnus to open the door, following him into the dark apartment. With a wave of his hand Magnus turned on the lights and produced two cups of Alec’s favorite tea.

“I’m not thirsty,” Alec mumbled, taking the offered cup anyways.

“That’s fine,” Magnus said. “Just hold onto it for a bit. Give your hands something to do.”

Alec nodded, standing in the middle of the room and holding onto the cup like it was the only thing keeping him together. What Magnus wanted more than anything was to pull Alec into his arms and assure him it wasn’t his fault, that he and his family would get through this, that he would eventually remember how to smile again. But he’d gotten to know Alec well enough to that those actions wouldn’t be well received, especially not right now.

“Tell me something about Max?” Magnus said after a moment, gesturing to the couch.

Alec stared at the couch for a moment before eventually going and sitting on one end, still clinging to the cup of tea. Magnus followed him quietly, sitting on the other end to give Alec space.

“He wanted to be a historian,” Alec said softly. “But he hated all his lessons. The way they taught him just…didn’t work for him. He didn’t like that his teachers would try to dumb things down to what they thought a kid his age would be able to understand.”

Magnus smiled a little; “sounds like my kind of kid.”

“He liked you,” Alec said, his lips quirking up just a bit. “Said you reminded him of a pirate in a book he was reading. Wanted me to ask if you’d known any real pirates.”

“I did,” Magnus grinned. “And I may or may not have joined them at one point or another.”

Alec managed a little laugh at this, though it was hollow. “I wish I’d had the chance to tell him that. Though, he probably would’ve bombarded you with questions every time he saw you after that.”

“I wouldn’t have minded,” Magnus said and they lapsed back into silence.

“Can I…ask you something?” Alec said after awhile.

“Anything,” Magnus assured.

“How do you do it? How do you survive…this? You’ve lived for so long…lost so many people…”

Magnus took a deep breath, setting his half empty cup of tea on a side-table as he contemplated the best way to answer. “It depends on the person, really. Each loss has been…different. Sometimes I’ve felt unmoored, sometimes just nostalgic, sometimes empty, sometimes angry. Sometimes a strange combination of all of the above.  I’ve never had someone I would consider a little brother, so I don’t know what that loss feels like. But I had Ragnor, who I’ve known for centuries—since I was seventeen, actually—and he was always like an older brother to me. He’s been in my life longer than anyone else and even when we disagreed he’d still be right there when I needed him. When he died a few months ago… it didn’t feel real. I keep trying to call him whenever I find something I think will interest him or I want help with something. There’s been a few times where I’ve gotten all the way to his voicemail before I remember he won’t answer.”

“That must hurt,” Alec whispered, clutching his cup a little tighter.

“It does,” Magnus admitted. “But…sometimes I call on purpose, just to hear his voice. It’s kind of comforting, when it’s intentional.”

“Max didn’t have a phone,” Alec muttered.

“No, but he had other things he was connected to, like his books. Do you know what the last thing he was reading was?” Magnus asked.

“Something called ‘The Hobbit,’ I think? Clary gave it to him a few days ago. He was really enjoying it…” Alec replied and Magnus could see tears pricking in his eyes.

“Maybe you should read it too,” Magnus said softly, quietly snapping his fingers to bring a little edition of the book onto the coffee table. It was small with an embossed leather cover and gold-edged pages.

Alec reached out a shaky hand, setting down his still full cup of tea and picking up the book in its place, running his thumb over the cover. After a moment his tears started to fall and he took a ragged breath, moving to lean into Magnus with his head tucked next to Magnus’ and the book clutched to his chest. Magnus pulled him closer, kissing the top of Alec’s head and gently rubbing his back.

“I’m here,” Magnus whispered. “However you need me to be. I’m here.”


End file.
